99
1. I cut my finger.
2. I have a cold.
3. I have a headache.
4. I have a tooth ache.
5. I have a hangover.
6. I have to go to the gynecologist
7. I am tired.
8. I am hungry.
9. I need to donate blood.
10. I need a new haircut.
11. I have to buy a birthday gift.
12. I’m sorting out old cloths.
13. I take the cloths to the Salvation Army.
14. I have to clean the house.
15. I have to shop for dinner.
16. I have to cook dinner.
17. The pasta sauce on the stove bubbles over, makes a big mess and I spend time cleaning it up.
18. I don't have a wife.
19. I 'm intimidated by great writers.
20. I will never be a great writer like Thomas Bernhard.
21. I don't feel like writing.
22. I will never be a great writer like Kurt Vonnegut.
23. I will never be a great writer like Ernest Hemingway.
24. I will never make the New York Times bestseller list.
25. I don't have an agent.
26. I don't have a platform.
27. No one answers my queries.
28. I'm not getting paid for writing.
29. I study the Guide to Literary Agents.
30. I study the Novel & Short Story Writer’s Market.
31. I'm too old to embark on a writing career.
32. I'm not a success story.
33. I’m intimidated by genius.
34. I'm intimidated by Junot Diaz.
35. I'm intimidated by literary Wunderkinder who publish great novels at age 25.
36. I don't practice what I preach.
37. I wasted my morning and I can't write at night.
38. I don't do morning pages.
39. I don't do writing exercises.
40. I'm upset that I have not published more.
41. I'm upset by rejection letters.
42. I'm upset that I never met Gertrude Stein.
43. I read Thomas Bernhard’s The Loser for the 100th time.
44. I read too many literary magazines.
45. I read too many online literary magazines.
46. I have too many books; it’s a great distraction.
47. I read obituaries of famous writers.
48. I write condolence letters.
49. I attend readings of famous writers.
50. I'm translating a famous writer.
51. I prefer to read.
52. I study The New York Times thoroughly.
53. I read the works of the members of my writing group.
54. I read the works of my students.
55. There are too many books already in this world.
56. I will never be a great writer like Thomas Bernhard.
57. It's sunny outside.
58. I watch the children on the swings.
59. I don't want to stay indoors.
60. I want to be on the beach.
61. I need to exercise.
62. I ride my bike in Central Park.
63. I visit James Baldwin's grave.
64. I visit Billie Holiday’s grave.
65. These trips take up a lot of time.
66. I return books to the library.
67. I rearrange the books on my bookshelf.
68. I sort out books because I have no more room on my book shelves.
69. I can’t decide which books to let go off.
70. I bring the rejected books to Housing Works bookstore.
71. I browse the Housing Works bookstore.
72. I learn Italian.
73. I watch a movie and analyze why the story doesn't work.
74. I have the wrong pen.
75. My fountain pen needs a new cartridge.
76. I waste time at Staples.
77. I answer callers who conduct surveys.
78. I check my e-mails several times a day.
79. I answer long overdue letters and e-mails.
80. I transfer my contact list from one e-mail provider to another.
81. I study for my citizenship test.
82. I have to go to the immigration office.
83. I listen to Rhythm Revue on WBGO.
84. I will never be a great writer like Thomas Bernhard.
85. I make travel plans.
86. I surf the world wide waste of time
87. I live in the wrong century.
88. I live in the wrong century.
89. I'm too rebellious.
90. I’m too intellectual.
91. I’m too dull.
92. I'm in love with the German language.
93. My brain doesn't work in English.
94. I counsel friends on the phone.
95. I think of past boyfriends.
96. I reminisce about the great sex I had in the past.
97. I have not experienced anything worthwhile writing about.
98. I read Thomas Bernhard’s The Loser for the 101th time.
99. I will never be a great writer like Thomas Bernhard.
2 Kommentare:
And what's the one reason to write?
I just committed suicide after getting up to number 62.
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